In Promo by Ether

“I recently saw a commercial about preventing food waste on YouTube.”

“It followed some strawberries from the moment they started growing. From there, we follow them along from their journey from the farm to the factory, where they’re preserved, packaged, and shipped to the grocery store.”

“Then a husband and his wife end up buying the container of strawberries and take them home. He even fed a couple of them to her in order to gain brownie points with his wife.”

“But after they ate a few strawberries, they proceeded to leave them in the back of the fridge, where they began to mold over the course of a few days.”

“When the couple opened the fridge again, they looked on in terror at how the mold had spread through the rest of the fridge, contaminating just about everything they could’ve eaten.”

“To their dismay, they had to throw out the remaining food in the fridge, leaving them with nothing.”

“Pyre and Simon remind me of the couple in that commercial. You brought Jet Set Radio, the strawberries, into your lives one fateful night and let us run fucking wild over a few bad motherfuckers.”

“We’ve done everything you asked us to. We’ve made Zero and Luke’s lives absolutely miserable. We killed that fucking convict just like you wanted us to. I even ‘slipped’ on the ropes to make sure Mrs. Black-Hart could grab the case to invade on that hacker.”

“But once your ultimate plan was pulled off without a hitch, you both treated us like an afterthought. You had enough of us and decided that we weren’t good enough for you anymore.”

“So you both decided to send us packing to the OSW locker room, also known as the back of the fridge, to waste away while you two have your fun doing whatever the hell it is you two do in your free time.”

“And now we’re beginning to mold.”

“When mold is allowed to spread, it can infest and destroy everything within a few days.”

“Just like mold, we’re going to fuck up your entire supply because you dared to forget about us.”

“You think your problems with Death and his son are bad, commissioner? You haven’t seen anything yet.”

“You made a huge mistake by leaving us to rot. By doing so, you’ve let us off your leashes and given us free reign to fucking destroy whatever we see fit.”

“Imagine the damage we’ll cause to the roster and Slaughterhouse. We’ll create enough mayhem to inspire a vote of no confidence and oust the Taskmaster from his seat of power.”

“As for you, champ? We’re going to bring the pain to you each and every week, just like when you were with bMf.”

“And we’ll keep on fucking your shit up until you either fire us or treat us with the fucking respect we deserve.”

“Me and Tag will give you a sample of what’s to come this week. I might be mold in your fridge, but even mold’s got to eat!”